Saturday, July 10, 2004

Nutwatch 2004--Dumber than 3 dogs...

Nutwatch 2004 is blowing almost hurricane-force today.

As the vile winds blow, the pathetic bawling and screeching from the Kerry camp is in full force as the most liberal of Senators has his record revealed to the voters. What all know is going to be a brutish, nasty campaign is in full-swing and many young, idealistic twenty-something’s are learning that politics is a contact sport.

Showing up in my e-mail yesterday is a missive so hideously insane that I feel I must share part of it—and commit its’ writer to the Nutwatch 2004 hall of fame:

"The Bush Campaign has violated every standard of decency by attacking John Kerry's military service. When it comes down to it, this is an attack on all veterans, soldiers and their families. And so we're asking for help from all Americans to hit back now:

RNC Chairman Ed Gillespie and Bush Campaign Manager Ken Melhman are running an ugly smear campaign on John Kerry's service in Vietnam. We've seen this before. In 2000 they ran a "whisper campaign" against John McCain, suggesting his time as a POW made him unfit for the Presidency. Then in this campaign, their surrogates have even questioned Max Cleland's war heroism -- a man who received a Silver Star and lost three limbs in the Vietnam War.

The fact is they're terrified of running against John Kerry's war record. And so they're desperately doing everything they can to try to tear it down.

We need to hit back, and hit back hard to get out the truth. We've learned that the Bush Campaign will say and do anything in the attack ads they're running in key swings states. We've simply got to be able to counter them. And we can only do that if supporters keep contributing to our campaign at the record-setting levels we saw last month. Give us the means to hit back. Contribute now:

Thank you, Mary Beth Cahill Campaign Manager, John Kerry for President

Yes, Mary Beth, I’ll just dig deep into my pockets and mail you a check for a grand or two but first I want you to promise me you’ll get back on your medicine and back into therapy and quit mixing the drugs and alcohol—and try to get laid once a day because you obviously are getting high-strung and it’s exacerbating your schizophrenia and causing you to send out twisted letters like the one I received in my e-mail yesterday—I know lithium is probably too strong to function, you may want to try Caramazepine or Propranolol—but watch mixing these with other drugs Mary Beth. This is serious business—and millions are observing your behavior.

Down in Texas they have a saying for letter like this Mary Beth: That dog won’t hunt.

I’d like to add a little more risqué Texas saying: Your letter is dumber than three dogs having sex.

Now I know you’re suffering Mary Beth, and the disease that has you in it’s grasp is a wicked and vile one—but please get someone to give missives a sniff-test before you go off the deep end with a letter like this

Do you remember the attack on President Bush’s National Guard record Mary Beth? There is something rather illogical to a statement “violated every standard of decency” when referring to one candidate’s attack on a record—when you did it first.

Try to see through your madness and twisted logic—if this is an attack on all veterans, etc—what was your attack on the President’s record? And while we’re on that topic—how do you feel the protesting of the war and John Kerry claiming he served with a bunch of war criminals made people feel? What about the new JFK throwing someone else’s war medals over a fence?

Whisper campaign? Have you listened to the Senator Kennedy, the butcher of Chappaquiddick giving speeches in public lately? He obviously has been mixing copious amounts of alcohol with drugs to listen to his personal insults and attacks on the President. Bet he is getting laid though, Mary Beth—although that is an image worse than the three above-mentioned dogs.

Max Cleland? I’m actually a Republican who admires him. But he didn’t lose three limbs in combat—as you and your campaign have tried to assert. He had a tragic accident—picked up a grenade and it exploded.

So, Mary Beth, send me a letter from your therapist and I’ll be glad to send you some money.

Until then, I’m hitting and enrolling you in Nutwatch 2004.

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