Saturday, March 20, 2004

Zawahiri Pays For His Support Of John Kerry--Issues Threat Against Reporter

Somewhere Along The Pakistan/Afghanistan Border – Ayman al-Zawahiri, caught in a death struggle with Pakistani troops, called us on his satellite phone today and chastised for leaking the story about his clandestine support of Senator John Kerry for president.

“I spoke on deep background,” Zawahiri said. “Bush is a danger to our work so of course I like Kerry—but you shouldn’t have published my remarks. Now we have nothing but trouble. The next time I’ll talk with ”

Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf declined to comment on his awakening concerning the mental status of Sheik Osama bin Laden reported in the same article that the Zawahiri quotes appeared. But a REALLY high-level contact within the Pakistani government said, “bin Laden has higher positives in Pakistan and Jordan than Bush has in the United States,’ the contact explained. “Imagine the uproar the republicans would face if Bush tried to take out John McCain or Ted Kennedy—ok maybe Kennedy is a bad example—how about McCain and Tom Daschle? This is our problem—how do you take the mad Sheik and the Egyptian ghoul down without causing a revolt?”

Zawahiri said the ‘Egyptian ghoul’ remark was typical of the politics of personal destruction practiced by Musharraf, every person in the Bush administration and all the other apes and monkeys of the great Zionist conspiracy. “We’re still unhappy with you publishing our support for Kerry,” Zawahiri said.

“Of all the kufrs and infidels, I at least found you palatable,” Zawahiri said. “You’ve given us quite a bit of laughs during the past several months. The Sheik found your line about being ‘nuttier than Jessica Lange on a glue binge,’ especially hilarious although he felt the suggestion about the pigpen and pigs in Manhattan with the animal stimulate a bit over the top. He promises your death to be much more pleasant than that a@#%@#$ who writes AllahPundit”

Zawahiri’s conversation was constantly interrupted by the constant sounds of gunfire and heavy munitions. “Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld and and Ashcroft are behind this,” Zawahiri shouted. “It’s the great Jewish and Christian conspiracy aided by the Bush re-election effort. If we’re able to get out of this one, I promise we have one of Kahn’s surprises we plan to deliver along Pennsylvania Avenue. Then we’ll deal with you”

Then the phone went dead.

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